I don't know about you - but I'm overwhelmed by our social media. So many blog posts, so many friend requests on Facebook and LinkedIn, so many emails. In the month of August, I received 2,960 emails directly addressed to me – that’s excluding spam, excluding bulk email lists, and excluding emails where I was CC:ed. I replied to 1,231 of those emails.
I vaguely recollect somewhere reading that the average human being can process approximately 150 relationships. I have 329 friends on Facebook, 15 pending friend requests, and 25 group invitations. Am I anti-social, or is this just crazy?
I have tried all kinds of things to cope. I even bought the Lifehacker book and tried all manner of ways to manage my time better and generally keep on top of it, and it just seems overwhelming. I'm convinced it's a part of the social media condition, although my appetite for new things and my particular personality no doubt exacerbates it. The nature of technology and it's effect on our social fabric is a regular topic with my father-in-law in our semi-weekly podcasts where we try to reconcile his notions of relationship and communication with mine, a couple generations later. Wither the good old-fashioned letter between friends, long and rambling and concerning the condition of the world? What will happen to historical biographies - so dependent upon long, detailed, preserved correspondence - in the age of the Blackberry? And why has the average vocabulary so contracted that hardly anyone knows what "the fantods" means anymore?
My friend Chris Massey says there’s just a limited number of hours in the day, and if you care about the quality of your relationships you necessarily limit the quantity of them. A while back, he and I started the Quitters & Losers Club, a response to my chronic over-commitment:
Blessed Are the Quitters
"Dear people, my name is Nicco and I'm only here for a few minutes today to encourage you and enlist your personal participation in an intentional act of change and necessary transformation. At the heart of such a proposition is the reality that no change is possible without letting go of something. In other words, you can't take up unless you're willing to give up .... something.
Now, you might be wondered exactly what I'm getting at. Well, someone here today...shouldn't be. What I mean is that someone among us is not fulfilled to a degree sufficient to justify their staying as opposed to going. If only they would take a bold self-empowering leap and act for the sake of themselves and all of us here today. If only we could surround them with sincere, supportive encouragement and faith in their ability to secure a better future. If only they would QUIT.
That's right. I said it. You heard it. And you know it's true. Sometimes, more often than we are willing to admit, the right thing to do is quit. It is the first step to real change. In our culture, we teach people not to quit. We suggest that it is weakness that makes one quit. On the contrary, it is self doubt and weakness that keeps us from quitting. Quitting is cutting away from the security of the dock and putting out to sea, not to drift but to find the wind, trim the sails, and set a course for what you believe is out there waiting for you.
Just for a moment, ask yourself when was the last time you practiced a good quit. I suggest you reconsider your sens-abilities. Without the ability to quit, you're stuck. Free will? -- No way! But you can reclaim your power; you can rise up on your own two feet. You can demonstrate to yourself and everyone around you that you aren't going to sit down and take it easy any more. You may be half-talented, semi-lame, and somewhat self-deluded, but that doesn't mean your finished yet. You have the power and the power you have is the power to quit. I know you would like to, but you're afraid, unsure, tentative, wary, etc. Don't let that hold you back from your future. Trade in your half-empty glass and seek out a full cup. You deserve. You've been thirsty all your life, but you've relied on others to bring you that always partially filled glass of satisfaction. Stand up. Rise up. Quit!
What is your last strand of reservation tethering you to the berth you occupy? Is it that you are afraid of being -- listen carefully, I'm going to say it -- "a loser"? Don't cringe. The strong among us are all losers, but we're able to cut ourselves away. We want more. And when you really admit it, you're a loser, but you have never let yourself "loose". Free. Wild. Hopeful. Daring. Just quit.
My appetite for all the wonderful things in the world (like puppies) - all the books to read, all the causes to take up, all the people to meet, all the music to listen and all the art to see - overwhelms the limited number of hours in my days, and I find myself forced to make decisions. Except I'm not all that decisive, and the end result is a lack of sleep and a general feeling of being adrift and ovewhelmed.
But at this particular junction I've got some clarity on what's next: at this late hour - I will take my leave of you - quit, if you will - to be "lost in the arms of rhythm and of sleep". Good night. And if you've got any ideas on how to cope in this hyper-connected, hyper-social world of digital availability, let me know. I'm all ears.
